A blog about females …

Creating this blog is just the next step in my search for real femininity.
I am not a feminist, my point of view is that men and women are not equal.
We belong to the same species but our emotions, desires and behavior are not a bit alike.
I want to create a safe and positive environment for a debate on what a women is, was and can become.

To start right away with a great challenge the first article will be about Pre Menstrual Syndrome.

How can networking and coaching help women in dealing with this problem for which to this day scientists have not found any adequate explanation or remedy.

A good life

This year, 2007, I have been together 15 years with my husband Ronny (Success Coach).
In times of divorces and newly composed families we merit our spot in the museum …
As all couples we have our good and bad moments. But so far we have always chosen to go on together.

One of the things that keep us together is our search and strive for quality and durability. We have never spared time nor effort to give content to our lives.
It just had to be good !

And it is good, we have a lovely and healthy daughter, we live in a beautiful area near the Pyrenees in the south of France.
We have the privilege to work with one of the most magnificent creatures on this earth, the Lusitanian Horse !

Not alone

But, as in every good story there is a but …
And this “but” has been disturbing my life for years now. I consulted doctors and psychologists, read books and articles, took pills and drops … nothing helped.

One comfort, I’m not alone ! Millions of women struggle with the same problem and are very well aware how the Pre Menstrual Syndrome reduces their life-quality with at least a quarter!
Until recently I saw PMS as a relational problem. Not my problem but our problem.
Being irritable, anxious, overemotional, having stiff muscles, not being able to resist the urge to clean anything at any time, not wanting to be touched … and so on.
All that I considered as a mutual and insolvable problem which we had to face and live with together every month.

In the past 15 years we must have spent hundreds of hours discussing and looking for ways to deal with PMS.
We could have saved our breath …

Coaching Tools

When Ronny started his training to become a Life Coach at the ICA (International Coach Academy) I had no idea how drastically positive this would change our lives. Let alone that Coaching Tools would be so effective in dealing with a deep-rooted problem as PMS.

So what I did was actually fairly simple and should be easy to do for every woman.

I made a list of the symptoms and problems that occurred in the 10 to 5 days before I had my period.
After that I wrote on one page to which extent I was responsible for these problems and what I had done to relieve or resolve them.
On a second page I noted what I thought someone else (read, my husband) could be blamed for or had not taken his responsibility for me.

The result was amazing. What I wrote down in the lists made it very clear that during this Pre Menstrual Period I hardly did anything active to feel better. Muscle stiffness for example; for a very long time I know how stretching and bodywork help to relax muscles and I can perform dozens of great exercises… But I didn’t do it !

I had written that I was actually waiting for somebody else (read again, my husband) to take me by the hand and do bodywork together …
I wanted more understanding, more tenderness, more respect for the fact that I was down and self-focused.

Changing focus

Besides I had taken on the habit of trying to avoid the “typical” accidents and related stress. And as most people would I got focused on what I didn’t want : negativity, frictions, arguments, reproach …
And got off course just that on which I was focused : negativity, frictions, arguments, reproach …
Seems logical, doesn’t it !

The next step was to change my focus.
I had to find out what I do want to experience in the week before my period.
So I thought about how I wanted to feel during this week and how I was going to achieve this.
I wanted more cocooning, being warm and cosy in my home, reading, writing and more attention for relaxation and body-care.
Cleaning the house, brushing and caressing the horses.
Towards the coming menstruation I wanted to feel confident, positive and proud.

Nobody could be bothered by any of these things, could they ? On the contrary, who doesn’t like a clean and tidy house filled with the smell of freshly baked cookies ..

A women who has taken care of herself and is looking good. Newly written articles and happy horses with shiny furs !

Get organised

Many readers will say now that it’s impossible to combine this approach with a job and a family that needs you.
Indeed, I don’t work away from home but here on Juan Redon I have my hands full as mother, network coordinator, HMI instructor and I’m responsible for the eco-volunteer work.

It is off course impossible for any person to have about five days a month in which you can only do what you feel like.
But you could organize things better and for example plan to give the bathroom a cleanup during that week, or get you appointment with the hairdresser.
But whatever you do, make sure that the things you do for yourself are also pleasant and significant for the people around you!

Doing so you will generate positive energy that will help you turning PMS into a problem of the past !

Not only does this seem simple, it is simple!

The difficult part though is not to give up !
Where can you find the motivation to change your focus at a time when your energy level is particularly low ?

Get a coach

That is the moment on which a good Life Coach comes in to give you the support you need to break through the circle.
Your Life Coach will listen to you objectively, he will ask the right questions and give you positive feedback.
A Life Coach confirms your successes and reminds you of your commitment

Take the time to change

You don’t change in one week or one month. Change is a process that needs time, courage and persistence.
With the regular and structural support of a well trained proffessional Life Coach you can go for a better life with 100 % quality !

Change happens, it happened to me and it can happen to you !

I’d love to hear your ideas and comments on this article. don’t hesitate to post them on the blog or send me an e-mail : karen@juanredon.net